Page 4 - Funny Corner

Kids in school think quick
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
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TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the
floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GL ENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
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TEACHER &n bsp; : Goss, why do you ! always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
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TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same
as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
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TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Guts vs Balls
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with your mates, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty."

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.. The man
guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it!

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well... you pay ten dollars... and IF you pass three tests you get all the money!!!"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up!

"What are the three tests?"

"Pay FIRST..." says the bartender... "Those are the rules."

So the man give him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar...

OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do...

FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of pepper tequila the WHOLE thing, all at ONCE... and you CAN'T make a face while
doing it...
SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth... You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS...
THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached orgasm during intercourse.. You've gotta MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her."

The man is stunned... "I KNOW I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!!
You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!"

Your call," says the bartender, "but your MONEY stays where it is.."

The man has a few drinks... then a few more... Finally...he asks, "WHERRRRE'S ZAAAT TEQUIIIILA?!"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp...
Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face...
Next... he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up...

The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on outside..
They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the pit bull yelping... and then SILENCE.

Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back into the bar .. with his shirt ripped... and large,
bloody scratches all over his body...



"NOW........" he says......
WHERES THE OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH?!?!?!"

A Bulgarian immigrant goes to the Motor Vehicles Registry to apply for a driver's licence. He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.
"Read it?" the Bulgarian replies, "I know the guy."

How do you separate the men from the boys in San Francisco?

With a crowbar.

Hey Sipho! I have a cow for you for just R500!"

"E yoh, Bongani! I'll take it - you can bring it to me tomorrow!"

The next day: "Sorry Sipho, but the cow died last night.

"Hauw.. So, ok then. Just give me my money back."

"Sorry Sipho, I did already spent that money.."

"Eish! So, ok then. Just bring me the dead cow." So, Bongani brought the dead cow to Sipho the next morning. A few weeks later, Bongani bumped into Sipho and asked him what he did with the dead cow:

"You won't believe, Bongani! I made a raffle for the cow, and I sold 251 tickets for R5 each! I made a profit of R850! But, I didn't tell anyone the cow was dead.."

"Yoh! And the people they didn't complain?"

"Eish! Only the guy which won! So, I gave him back his R5 and he was happy!"

Sipho is now in parliament..

I don't have any funny jokes, but i received this image today. The title of the email was, "how do you know you are a loser?"

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ... and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies.........

"You just happened to catch my eye."

*i told you it was lame*

A Chinese couple get married - and she's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.

He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan . numba 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries.........

"You want... Beef Chopsuey wif Broccori??

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers
and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home.

She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realising that her little boy
is in there already.

The little boy says: "Dark in here."
The man says: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a soccerball, do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "R250-00."

A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in
the cupboard together again.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have soccer boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"
The boy says:"R750-00."

The secret lover says: "Fine, I will buy them."

A few days later, the father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots,
let's go outside and have a game."

The boy says: "I can't, I sold them for R1000."

The father says: "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that..... R1000 is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says: "Dark in here."

The priest says: "Don't start that sh!t again!"

funny but terrible at the same time