Page 7 - Funny Corner

how many politicians does it take to change a light bulb???

1 - to hold the bulb up and wait for the world to revolve around him!!!

excellent!!! I love it !!

me 2 i thought it was quite good n just rounded off ur ones!!

Thanks 4 the points!!

yeah it rounded it off nicely

no worries bout the points!! I like sharing

How many real programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None - its a hardware problem!

Lars--a Norwegian from Cook County in northern Minnesota-- was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Lutheran. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, all of Lars's neighbors were Catholic.....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Lars, and suggested that Lars convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Lars attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over Lars, he said, "You were born a Lutheran and raised a Lutheran, but now you are a
Catholic.."

Lars's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Lars's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold Lars, he stopped in amazement and watched......There stood Lars, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You were born a deer, and raised a deer, but now you are a fish.

ah, it probably wouldn't be smart to turn this into a political joke thread man.

So, a pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender said: "What's up with the steering wheel man?",
the pirate replied:
"argh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Three men were hiking in the jungles of Africa. Before they sensed any danger, a tribe of cannibals captured them. The cannibals said they were going to kill them, eat their flesh, and use their skin to make canoes. However, the cannibals said they had a little mercy, and offered them the chance to choose any weapon of choice and kill themselves.

The first man asked for a gun. The cannibals gave it to him and he shot himself in the head.

The second man asked for a knife. The cannibals gave it to him and he stabbed himself in the heart.

The third man asked for a fork. The cannibals were confused, and asked him why. He responded by telling them that they promised to give him any weapon. The cannibals then gave him the weapon. Afterwards, the third man started poking the fork into his skin and making holes all over his body. He shouted in cynical humor:

"Damn your canoes!"

Many years in the future, Linus Torvalds, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates were brought to heaven and allowed to ask God one question each, to which he promised He would answer truthfully and completely.

Linus walks up to God and asks Him, "When will Linux be completely secure and bug-free?" God sits and ponders for a moment. After a few minutes He replies, "Linux will be completely secure and bug-free in about 10 years." When he hears this, Linus becomes disheartened. "I may not live to see that day," he says.

Steve runs up to God and asks Him, "When will Mac OS be completely secure and bug-free?" God sits and ponders for a moment. After a few minutes He replies, "Mac OS will be completely secure and bug-free in about 20 years." When he hears this, Steve becomes very depressed. "I may not live to see that day," he says.

Bill walks up to God and asks Him, "When will Windows be completely secure and bug-free?" God sits and ponders for a moment. After a long time God still is pondering, and Gates asks him again, "When will Windows be completely secure and bug-free?" Time passes and soon God replies, "I may not live to see that day."

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past.

The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?"

The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"

The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUUCK, DUDE.......
how much water did you drink?"

The drunk says to her after she's done placing the items on the belt "You must be single."
The woman looks at her items and sees nothing special about the quantity or selection of her food. She looks at him with a slight twinge of interest and asks him "As a matter of fact I am, but how in the world could you tell that I was single, just from watching me put my food on the conveyer?"

The drunk looks at her, swaying just a little bit and says "'Cause your ugly."