Funny Corner

post a joke or funny saying, hell anything funny.

ok here goes,

little suzie wants to take her dog for a walk, so she goes an asks her mom who's in the kitchen,

"mommy, can i take the dag for a walk"
"no suzie the dogs on heat"
"wots, on heat, mommy"
"go ask your dad"

So off Suzie goes to her dad,

"Dad, mommy says i can't walk the dog coz the dogs on heat, wots on heat daddy?"

the dad looks troubled, so he tells suzie to fetch the dog, and he dips his hands in some petrol and wipes it on the dogs 'jewels'

"there you go suzie, you can taker her now"

15 minutes later Suzie comes home without the dog, and her dad wants to know where the dog is.

"no dad, she ran out of petrol, but another dog is pushing her home"

homer simpson: I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!

Yo mama's mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound!

Yo mama's so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!

Yo mama's so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama's so bald you can see whats on her mind!

Yo mama's so dry her crabs carry water bottles!

Here's a funny one I heard at work the other day:

A man's wife came home one day and to her dismay found her husband in bed with another woman. Obviously infuriated, she started cussing at him and asking him how he could do such a thing. He responded, "Honey, at least let me explain!" She decided to hear him out before she walked out the door. He said, "I found her outside with barely anything at all. She was hungry, so I fed her. She needed new clothes, so I gave her the expensive boots that you spent my money on and never wear anymore. I also gave her some other clothes that won't fit you anymore. She needed a shower, so I let her take a shower. As she was walking out the door, she asked if there was anything else my wife didn't use.....that's why I had sex with her!"

3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scotch, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot says, "Ach, ah wish it could be filled to the brim with water."

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are
asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look
up at the sky and tell me what you see." Robin replies," I see millions
of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman. Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells
me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be
approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord
is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you,
Batman?"

Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:
"Robin, you f***ing idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

A Scottish fitba fan told his mate, "My dug watches all the games. When my team wins it jumps up and doon and claps its wee paws. When we lose it somersaults."
"Yer Kiddin me right? How many somersaults?" asked his impressed friend.
The Fitba fan replied, "depends how often I kick it..."

I need you" = My hand is tired

I want a commitment = I'm sick of masturbation

You're the only girl I've ever cared about = You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me

I really want to get to know you better = So I can tell my friends about it

It's just orange juice, try it = 3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head

I don't know if I like her = She won't sleep with me

I miss you so much = I am so horny that my male-roommate is starting to look good

Do you 'really' love me? = I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later

How much do you love me? = I've done something really stupid and someone's on his/her way to tell you about it now

I have something to tell you = Get tested

I'll give you a call = I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again

I've been thinking a lot = You're not as attractive as when I was drunk

I think we should just be friends = You're ugly

I've learned a lot from you = Next

You know you'll get pulled up in front of the court for that Shem
giving away all our Bloke secrets.

I think he should be bought before the mighty shadow